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somewhere in the last few years I lost a lot of my sense of wonder...too much focus on goals and/or doing nothing (which is itself a set of goals), but less of the un-focus on simply being.

yet it is from simply being that find inspiration and thereby discover, set and/or achieve my most fulfilling goals. perhaps this is why I haven't been inspired to write or DJ, and only occasionally inspired to throw parties, and both creating music and the creative aspects of work have become more of a rote struggle.

this realization -- which I've had before, more or less -- was, I think, my deeper goal for this trip. that, and reconnecting with my parents & sisters.

speaking of sisters, amy is searching for the california dream -- and, no surprise, not finding it much in des moines. have I been too practical in my advice to her?

probably.

seems like maybe a big part of the california dream is to decide to do something impractical, and succeed. for me that includes my moving there, throwing parties, the goat, all sorts of things. the boom. hell, my career. my social life, before I let it drift. and part of the current malaise is that I have been successful, and then retreated into practicality.

I need some impractical projects. and I need to tell amy that she could just save a few grand and drive to CA and she'll be ahead of where I was when I got there...except that I had a job, and good contacts, some of whom were already friends. hm.

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behind flowed miles of dark clouds
and a wall of white ahead obscures
where I know mountains must be:
but my path, already chosen for the day,
involves a right turn and later a left
below the skies in between, glowing blue
where clouds are become as escaped wisps
of polyester cushion filling,
effortlessly escaping the rolling scrub below.

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Celestial Seasonings: a brand I've loved and trusted for as long as I can remember. And now I'm at their plant in Boulder, sipping a new plum white tea, minutes from a factory tour.

This is an oddly emotional moment for me -- almost like visiting the Domes (which I didn't do on this trip.)

No photos allowed in the factory...lemongrass wonderful...tea room amazing...mint room overpowering...good time overall. Bought some tea, of course.

Now off to Boulder.

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I'm simply bowled over by the number of good-looking restaurants, used bookstores, and general hippie shops in the Pearl St Market area of Boulder. There were clothes I'd wear at prices I'd pay if I were in a clothes-buying mood. One of the best food co-ops I've ever seen. Omnipresent mountains in the background, watching benevolently. Gorgeous women who smiled and said hi. It's like Haight or Telegraph without the homelessness and angry pretense of nostalgia.

But like Berkeley, it's a college town...so I wonder how far that goodness spreads. I'll have to find out. Maybe, when I'm done with Yahoo!, I'll find a life in Boulder.